Shoot ‘Em Up (2007)
A film so middling it wouldn’t be surprising if you’d never heard of it or forgotten that it existed, Shoot ‘Em Up is an overwrought tale of human trafficking, corrupt politicians, and a hobo with preternatural detective and gunfire skills devoted to protecting a sturdy baby through a series of over-the-top action sequences. One such scene involves an ambush on Clive Owen’s drifter while he’s in the middle of a sexual encounter with a prostitute played by Monica Bellucci. Owen’s ungodly gunplay — carried out as he continues to have sex with Bellucci — is clearly meant to be a bit absurd, but also incredibly virile, masculine, and thus hot. Unfortunately if you actually tried not just gunplay (which would be literally deafening), but any level of quasi-acrobatic multi-tasking during sex, you’d be apt to lose the groove quickly and to injure yourself in any number of ways. Yet another instance in which Hollywood’s attempts at building enticing fantasies just create potential realities in which you’d never want to have any part.