Nick Offerman's Next-Level Turducken

Comedian, expert woodworker, and beard enthusiast Nick Offerman was looking to pack on some winter weight for his upcoming part playing the outsized Ignatius J. Reilly in A Confederacy of Dunces at Boston's Huntington Theatre, so he came up with a fatty diet most of us would be jealous of: meat. All the meat. 

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For fall football tailgating, Offerman recommends Wisconsin bratwursts with a side salad of cheese curds and a whiskey strong enough to double as fuel. "It's chilly out, so a hearty beer is good," he said on Monday's Tonight Show. "But I like something smokier. This is single malt Scotch, which is like a campfire in your mouth." He sipped. "That'll drive your backhoe."

Offerman also admitted that a turducken, which is a "chicken carcass inserted into a duck carcass, which is then shoved inside a turkey carcass" was too lightweight for his holiday fare. "It's tasty, but it leaves me wanting," he explained. So he created the Flying Pig, which is when you feed said turducken to a black Kentucky pig and then slaughter it for Thanksgiving. "It's a nutty, meaty flavor with hints of shoe leather and mink oil, and just a touch of regret."

Pair also with a single malt. 

There's little doubt that Offerman's fatty, meaty diet — including a massive horseshoe-shaped kielbasa baked in bread and doused with mustard and sauerkraut that the two shared Lady and the Tramp-style — is what nourishes his beautiful "full bush" look, but we can't in good conscience recommend it without doctor approval.