Light food poisoning is the be-all, end-all in fake excuses to miss work and get outdoors, because light food poisoning doesn’t leave any real physical evidence behind.
When you come back from food poisoning, all you have to do is clutch your stomach a little when your boss is looking, or maybe put on some extra-pale foundation and skip the mascara to make yourself look like you haven’t eaten for a few days.
However, if you use a nasty cold or bronchitis as an excuse, then when you come back to work, you’ll have to bring real physical evidence with you, like a still-wet cough or a still-slightly-runny nose. This sort of physical evidence is difficult to fake, and when you do a poor job of it, your boss will become suspicious.
Estimated duration of effectiveness: Two to three days. Perfect for a bike excursion.
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