Whatever You Do, Don’t Say “Sick Kid”
Our general policy about fake excuses to miss work is to never fake something that you’d feel truly bad about if it actually happened. It’s a karma thing.
This is why you should never say that your kid is sick, or that you had a great-aunt die or something awful like that. Trust us, you don’t want to play with karma here.
Food poisoning and a little light mental anguish aren’t too bad, so if karma slaps you in the butt for these lies and you actually come down with the ailment you faked, you won’t be too sorry. Plus, you’ll have a great adventure outdoors to happily look back on as you entertain yourself between runs to the toilet. It will all be worth it in the end. Again, just trust us on this one.
Estimated length of effectiveness: Negative seven days (you’ll be punished with seven days of real sick leave, which sucks worse than sitting in your cube on a blue bird day). However, what to do if you come up with a better excuse than a sick kid? Explore one of America’s great natural landmarks (see photo above for inspiration).
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