Bottle smashed on head:
“Seventy-five stitches as a result of one full bottle of beer being decimated upon my head and ear. I was in Santa Cruz at a party. Cardiel did a backflip down some stairs and landed on a coffee table and broke a lamp or something, so we got kicked out. Then some guys started talking shit to Mic-E’s girlfriend, so he laid one of them out. Then a lot more of them came out and started throwing bottles at the car. So we had to get out and lay into people. For some reason, I singled out the tallest guy and had to jump up to punch him in the face. I was totally surprised. He was dazed, so I jumped again and snatched him by his hair. I pulled him down and bashed his head into the car wheel. Then I hear Cardiel screaming, ‘Ethan!’ and I stop and look up and see a bottle of beer swinging into the side of my head. It was just an explosion of glass and beer. It was kind of poetic, because the streetlight was coming down and I could see the mist in front of me and then all I saw was red coming over my right eye. It was just all blood. It sucked. It cut my ear half off. It was a long cut going along the side of my head. There were big pieces of glass all stuck in my skull. It was brutal. But I didn’t go down, that’s the part I’m proud about. It didn’t knock me out. I just got angry. I tried to rip a mailbox out of the ground.”
“Certain days it refuses to move. It’s often swollen, seldom mobile. I went down this ledge. It was a long ledge with a lot of stairs. I thought I had what I was doing. The board turned. I landed primo. I landed like a ballerina on my toe on my left foot, and the thing just went upside down and I could see the sole of my shoe as it bent up. It’s the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life. I could get kicked in the head all day long, but that was just awful. It was like fire. It was like someone burning my foot for hours and hours. And the thing didn’t break, which I think is worse. I mean, if it’s broken then I know it’s broken. It just swelled up like a football and I had to sit down for six months. After a couple of months, I could walk all right but my ankle wouldn’t move side to side at all.
“I have not yet broken a bone—not to say I will not break a bone. I cannot imagine going through life without breaking a bone, it is bound to happen sometime. I do not wish it upon myself.”
Busted nose (twice):
“I got these due to repeated punches in the face. One real good one was outside the 500 Club in San Francisco. I was like 17. I don’t remember what provoked it. I was standing outside of the place and all of a sudden this guy comes up and punches me in the face and just keeps walking. And sure enough, six guys come walking around the corner—obviously heading for me—so I turned tail and ran. I ditched them, like six blocks away, between these two garages. So I stuck my head out and this guy, like 30 feet away, sees me and whistles. All of a sudden, a car comes around the corner and these dudes jump out. They throw me against the garage and just lay into me. I had to curl up in the fetal position. I covered my face, and I just got kicked in the head for a few minutes. I’m not sure if it was unprovoked, though. I’m sure I did something. I usually do.”
Massive nerve damage in frontal lobe:
“I’m considering removal or replacement, whichever is cheaper.”
“This is from having to grow up too fast. Being responsible at 16 was a pain in the ass.”
Chronic back pain: “
My middle and lower vertebrae are deteriorating rapidly. I’ll probably have to use a walker or cane due to a long, long history of jumping down stuff on my skateboard.”
“I have sporadic egomania and loathing, coupled with vague nihilism. Other than that, I’m fine.”
“My shoulder bushing is worn out. I tried to order one from Nasa but they said it would be a 600-year wait to get the part as it hasn’t been invented yet, or will never exist. Regardless, it causes me great suffering. Like, when you’re driving around in a car and you know a bushing is worn out. It’s creaky, it’s rattle-ly, it doesn’t steer right. That’s my arm. It just doesn’t move right anymore.” SB
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