It wasn’t long ago that the notion of buying bottled water was considered a joke in America. It was even less long ago that some products, now widely accepted by men, were marketed solely towards women. They’re probably even in your… house. Right… NOW!
BODY HAIR REMOVAL
Not only was it accepted, it used to be expected for men to have hair south of their ironic beard. Nowadays, we’re encouraged to wax, thread, trim and shave our way to the 12-year-old prepubescent asexuality we’ve tried so hard to escape all these years. There’s actually a market for depilatories for men and manscaping trimmers, which, let’s face it, are the exact same thing you’d use above your neck, only with a bigger nostril attachment.
BODY WASH/FACE SCRUB
For men, soap used to come exclusively in bar form, sometimes with a rope attached (if you were in prison), sometimes with ground-up bits of rock in it (if you had to “exfoliate” axle grease off your hands). It smelled like pine trees and probably contained lye and you didn’t need to dump it into a scrunchie sponge to unleash its soapy fury. Also, if it was good enough for your balls, it was good enough for your face.
Sure, your face might look and feel like an old leather bag when the weather gets cold, but that used to be quickly remedied with whatever slippery substance was sitting on your nightstand or workbench. Now, the government knows your pH and manufacturers are using it to market $28 half-ounce bottles of gourmet man butter tuned to your specific band on the epidermal spectrum. But just because it comes in a black bottle and is called “Ultra-Extreme Manly Adrenaline Skin Rush” doesn’t mean it isn’t the same thing your girlfriend uses.
DIET DRINKS/LIGHT BEER
Men used to drink yeasty beers out of pint glasses and guzzle calorific soda loaded with stimulants. Now companies hawk 60-calorie, ultra-light, full-flavor beers for men and manly diet soda in manly diet cans. And it’s worked. Diet soda has become a ubiquitous addition to our lunch selections and “light” beer infused with lime and daisies is filling our cups at the beer pong table.
Perhaps the most frightening trend of them all, owing to the potential repercussions for our reproductive future. No longer a fad exclusive to androgynous hipsters in pork pie hats and black painted nails, the skinny jean has managed to infiltrate the common man’s wardrobe. “High-waisted,” “low-rise” and “slim-cut” were nonexistent in our denim-buying lexicon, which previously consisted of just the words “yeah, they fit.”