The 9 Most Hilariously Unhealthy, Ridiculously Fattening Restaurant Meals in the U.S.

The 9 Most Hilariously Unhealthy, Ridiculously Fattening Restaurant Meals in the U.S.

It’s an honor to be considered elite enough to compete at the Olympic Games. It shows you have true talent, passion, and determination.

But if you’re considered elite enough to recieve an Xtreme Eating Award from the Center for Science in the Public Interest, it means you’re probably outrageously fattening, cripplingly salty, and/or covered in a vat of saccharine slime.

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That’s right: Every year, the CSPI confers its Xtreme Eating Awards upon the most outsized, heroically overloaded meals an ordinary American could ever hope to come across. For 2016, they chose to recognize nine meals—all available at chain restaurants—that pack more fat, calories, sodium, and carbs than the average person would ordinarily eat in an entire day. 

This isn’t saying these nine meals aren’t delicious, but it is a way of saying that they are astonishing unhealthy. Or, if you think of it another way, they’re quite efficient—why wait six days to get your necessary sodium intake when you can just get it in one sitting?

Take a look at this year’s “winners”:

Whole Hog Burger, Uno Pizzeria & Grill

This monster burger contains a smorgasbord of heart-crushing meats including sausage, bacon, proscuitto, and pepperoni.

And because no person should have to settle for a regular meaty concotion, the Whole Hog Burger also packs four types of cheese, a slathering of garlic mayo, and some (sorta healthy?) pickles on top.

Still not satisfied? Don’t worry: It also comes with a side of french fries AND onion rings (for an extra bonus).

This rogue burger contains a whopping 2,850 calories, 62 grams of saturated fat (which is three days’ worth), and an artery-tightening 9,790 mg of sodium. 

That is like eating four McDonald’s Quarter Pounders with Cheese and two servings of medium fries, which have then been doused with 18 packets of salt. Bon appétit!

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Short Rib and Cheesy Mac Stack, Dave and Buster’s

Dave and Buster’s is a cool spot to hang out with your friends. But order one of these, and you, sir, are going to have to do quite a few rounds of skeeball in order to burn off the cals from this bad boy.

When you dissect it, the Short Rib and Cheese Mac Stack actually hits all your major food groups:

Dairy- from the heaping serving of mac and cheese.

Protein- from the short rib.

Grains- from the white pasta and bread.

Vegetables- because “seasoned tots” are a vegetable, right? (They’re not, as long as you’re counting macros.)

This delectable sandwich contains a solid day’s worth of calories (1,910), two days’ worth of saturated fat (42g) and a relatively paltry (but still hilariously high) 3,390 mg of sodium.

But hey, it’s nothing a few rounds of air hockey can’t fix!

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RT 44 Grape Slush with Rainbow Candy, Sonic

Like to stop by your local Sonic on the way home from work to pick up a RT 44 Grape Slush with Rainbow Candy? Too bad this one drink alone has 970 calories and a staggering 1 1/4 cups (yes, cups) of sugar.

That’s like chugging three XL (40 oz.) Fanta Wild Cherry Slurpees at 7-Eleven. At once.

Better yet, if you go to Sonic during its “happy hour” (2-4 p.m.), you can even save money while you get the most intense sugar rush of your life!

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Giant Chipotle Cheesesteak

Nothing screams “health and fitness” like a Giant Chipotle Cheesesteak.

This behemoth sandwich, made daily at a Jersey Mike’s Subs location near you, is a whopping 14 inches long and is filled to the brim with steak, American cheese, peppers and onions, and a fanciful drizzle of chipotle mayo.

This is the type of sandwich that eats wimpy sandwiches for breakfast. And considering it has as much calories (1,850), saturated fat (30 grams), and sodium (4,330 mg) as two Subway foot-long Roast Beef subs (including the chips and 32 oz drink), it really may as well have.

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Dessert Nachos, Buffalo Wild Wings

Buffalo Wild Wings’ sensual Dessert Nachos look appetizing as hell, but just knowing the truth behind their nutritional facts makes them undesirable for the fit guy. You know, like your ex-girlfriend.

Do fried tortiillas, sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, topped with four scoops of ice cream, gooey breaded cheesecake bites, and drizzles of chocolate and caramel sauces sound kinda good? Sure.

But how about the 2,100 calories, 64 grams of saturated fat, and a mind-bending 30 teaspoons of sugar?

The dessert-dating world is a rough one.

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Fried Chicken & Waffles Benedict, Cheesecake Factory

You’re a busy man. Why waste all your time eating throughout the day when you can get a whole day’s worth of calories in just one meal?

So try out the Busy Man’s Diet. You can start by boppin’ over to your local Cheesecake Factory and ordering the Fried Chicken & Waffles Benedict. Envelop yourself in a Belgian waffle topped with crispy fried chicken strips, poached eggs and Hollandaise sauce, served with maple syrup and a side of potatoes (for some much needed extra starch).

This will supply you with a 2,580 cals (good enough for the whole day, and then some, unless you’re Michael Phelps) as well as 86g of saturated fat, 3,390mg of sodium, and an additional 15 teaspoons worth of sugar, which is always great.

You can use all that time you saved from your diet to do other things, like lay on the couch, or sleep. Productive!

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Marco’s Meal for Two, Maggiano’s Little Italy

Nothing says romance like a meal for two. Think Lady and the Tramp; an adorable couple splitting meatballs and pasta galore. Smells like the setup for a sweet sweet evening.

This can be a reality when you step foot into a Maggiano’s Little Italy and order Marco’s Meal For Two. You and your beautiful date get complimentary white flour rolls, choice of appetizer or flatbread, two side salads, two pasta dishes and dessert.

So, let’s say you order the Mozzarella Marinara appetizer, Taylor Street Baked Ziti (with Italian sausage), Fettuccini Alfredo as your pasta dishes, and the 1,180-calorie Warm Apple Crostada for dessert.

That would mean that you and your exquiste date just ate through 2,840 calories, 79 grams of saturated fat, 6,390 mg of sodium, and 11 teaspoons of sugar—per person.

Feeling like a bloated hippopotamus doesn’t exactly call for sexy time. nless you’re, you know, an actual hippopotamus. Maybe try a salad joint instead?

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Cremini Pork Shank, Romano’s Macaroni Grill

“Braised pork shank, marsala wine sauce, caramelized onions, mushrooms, roasted parmesan potatoes,” you read on your visit to Romano’s Macroni Grill. “Delicious and nutritious!” Right? Nope.

This seemingly okay meal is actually over two pounds of food in total, and contains a hefty 1,800 calories, 43 grams of saturated fat and 3,700 mg of sodium. Again: That’s in one sitting.

Plus, if you order the side of Rosemary Peasant Bread (aka white bread with some rosemary on top) you can go ahead and add an extra 480 calories into the mix.

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Build Your Sampler, Applebee’s

It isn’t always easy to choose one dish. Applebee’s understands that we Americans like to have it all, and that’s why they offer an appetizer sampler—so you can choose up to five apps for your squad to chow down on.

Lets say you pick out these bad boys:
 – Cheeseburger Egg Rolls- 630 calories’ worth of white-flour wrappers, ground beef, and cheese.
 – Brew Pub Pretzels & Beer Cheese Dip– Delectable white-flour pretzles and cheese goodness for an extra 510 cals.
 – Chicken Quesadilla– White flour and what? Cheese? No way. For only 610 cals!
 – Boneless Wings with Classic Buffalo Sauce– Can’t hate on wings. Can hate on the 440 cals (and an extra 240 for your bleu cheese fix).
 – Spinach & Artichoke Dip– Can’t diss this delicious masterpeice either. But at 940 cals, 14 grams of saturated fat, and 3,980 mg of sodium, this dip is basically a bad meal in itself. 

So when you total all of those glorious foods together, your table of buddies just ingested 3,390 calories, 65 grams of saturated fat, and 11,650 milligrams of sodium.

If it’s split between four people, it still counts for 850 calories a person. But are you guys really going to get a a side salad with no dressing for dinner?

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