End Times Alert: AB-InBev and Keurig Announce K-Cups of Beer, Spirits, and Cocktails

Daniel Acker / Bloomberg / Getty Images

In much the same way it desecrated quality coffee with its famous K-cup technology, Keurig has announced the imminent perversion of yet another beverage: alcohol.

Specifically, all of it: According to an announcement, Keurig Green Mountain, Inc. will be partnering with Anheuser-Busch InBev (AB InBev) — that’s the Belgium-based behemoth parent to more than 400 beer brands, including Budweiser, Corona, and Stella Artois — to create “an in-home alcohol drink system […] including beer, spirits, cocktails, and mixers.”

According to both companies, the at-home alcohol-making machine (which is currently in its research and development phase) will combine AB InBev’s brewing and packaging expertise with the technology of the Keurig Kold — a product that debuted and then failed, after 10 months of production, in June 2016. (Keurig even refunded Kold customers for their $370 purchase, according to CNNMoney.)

Further, the Kold was a theoretical competitor to the SodaStream, a DIY carbonated beverage maker based in Israel that debuted its own “Beer Bar” system in 2016. As we reported in May, the SodaStream Beer Bar debuted in Germany and Switzerland last May with the “Blondie,” a 4.5 percent ABV “beer” with a “smooth, authentic taste and a hop-filled aroma.” The company planned to add more markets throughout 2016 and 2017.

"We are excited to partner with AB InBev to develop a new system for the adult beverage category. We look forward to combining our capabilities and technologies to deliver innovation for consumers," said Bob Gamgort, Keurig Green Mountain CEO. According to the announcement, the venture will be located in facilities in Massachusetts and Vermont, with employees coming from current AB InBev and Keurig teams. The as-yet-unnamed venture will be led by CEO, Nathaniel Davis.

We’re not professional brewers, but we’re pretty sure the craft — or even large-scale industrial process — of making beer, which involves, you know, brewing for several hours, then fermenting for a typical minimum of two weeks, cannot be reduced to a cup of powder mixed with seltzer on your kitchen counter. But, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

For access to exclusive gear videos, celebrity interviews, and more, subscribe on YouTube!