Need a Sex Life Boost? There’s an App for That

Spreadsheets app teaser

If there’s anything you want more data on besides your workouts, eating habits, sleep patterns, and fantasy teams, it’s your sex life. You use your phone to analyze all of those things, and now you can use it to track stats on your sexual escapades, too. Spreadsheets (no pun intended) is a new iPhone app that monitors in-bed performance and gives statistical and historical feedback. Yes, really.

This app is for guys who want to note their sexual exploitations, keep track of how many thrusts per minute they’re averaging, and measure how long they really last, and how loud she gets. Plus, it also calculates the number of calories burned in the bedroom. All of this information is determined through movement and audio levels via the iPhone’s accelerometer and microphone.

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Think the app sounds too strange to give it a try? Make sure to recruit a lady friend, as the app isn’t for solo use. In fact, while you’re taking applications, make sure she’s cool with your using technology in bed. Though do explain that there isn’t a playback component and the company doesn’t keep audio of your sex session (’cause that would be weird).

Like most genius (and dirty) ideas, the thought for creating the app came about over drinks. “We saw a trend and thought an app that tracks sexual performance would not only be useful but also fun,” says Spreadsheets co-founder Danny Wax.

For anybody feeling really ballsy, the app gives you the option to share your results with friends via social media. Just make sure to de-friend mom and dad first—and maybe warn your lady friend if you ever want to see her again.

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