10 Things Every Woman Wishes You Did During Sex

Pay attention to her non-verbal signs

Sadly, lots of men don't know how to tune into their female lovers. “I hear stories over and over again about how men are just not responding to the signals that women send. Learn to be a responsive, tuned-in lover and you will gain serious appreciation from your partner(s),” says Pella Weisman, a dating coach and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Along with verbal expression, pay attention to their bodily cues (moaning, heavier breathing, increased lubrication) and do more of that.  

If you're not sure how to interpret a signal, be direct and just ask. “[Try] 'Does that feel good?' or 'Do you like that?' or 'Does that hurt?' Your partner may have been too shy to tell you, and will appreciate that you asked,” says Weisman. Likewise, if you're not sure if your partner is ready for a certain act or move — ask. To quote the popular university campaign, "consent is sexy."

Foreplay... and afterplay

While some men may think sex is mostly about the penetration, a woman needs foreplay and afterplay. “If a guy turns over and dozes off, a woman will often feel abandoned,” says Dr. Gilda Carle, relationship expert and author of 8 Tips to Understand the Opposite Sex. Also worth noting: "A woman wants the foreplay to begin way before the act of intercourse, with flirting, texts with sexual innuendoes, and more to warm her up." Sex for a woman is not just sex; it’s a physical and emotional reflection of feeling desired.

Explore commonly ignored hot spots

A woman wants a man to explore her inside and out with his fingers, and make it an adventure for the two of them. "'Let’s see if I can find your G-spot,' for example, could be a mutual exploration for the couple,” says Dr. Gilda. Be sure also to fondle with and kiss oft-ignored erogenous zones like her inner thigh, ear, and even her lower back.

Dirty talk

Women want to feel wanted. “They want to know they are turning you on, and how. They want to feel hot, desired, appreciated, honored,” says Weisman. Individual preferences vary (dirty, descriptive, romantic), but try out different varieties to see what elicits the best response from your partner. (If you need a place to start, read our complete guide to dirty talk here.)

Clitoral stimulation

Yes, guys, women want more of it. “Some women like it with a finger (or three) in her ass or vagina at the same time. You can [also] try strong sucking, teasing with your tongue, or using your nose and forehead for pressure on the clitoral area,” says Weisman. Try different amounts of pressure, rhythms, and duration of time to see what she likes best (for many women, direct contact on the clitoris can be too intense, although they may like rhythmic pressure on the clitoral shaft — the part of a woman's clitoris that swells when she's aroused). 

Worship her, not just her orgasm

A woman wants to be sensually stroked and caressed, not grabbed. “One of my clients complains her husband always grabs for her breasts, and she feels like a piece of meat,” says Dr. Gilda. “A woman wants to see adoration for her in her man’s eyes." If a woman feels like your only goal in bed is to make her orgasm, she may feel like your romp has more to do with your ego than anything else.

But make sure she comes first, and again

Women have the ability to climax multiple times. And that means that your job as her partner is to make sure that women have more of those orgasms. “Many people don’t realize that 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm [see above]," Stacy Rybchin, founder and CEO of My Secret Luxury, a luxury sex toy boutique. So, yes, you'd be correct in thinking that you can't just rely on penetration alone to get her off. Rather, consider introducing accessories and toys into bed to help you get into that right position or angle, and find what you both like best.

Make her feel pretty

It’s more than just when you are naked. Try for no reason at all, saying, "You’re beautiful!" "Unless you’re talking to Angelina Jolie, we all have one phrase in common that we can never hear enough, and that’s, ‘you’re so beautiful!’ ” says sex and relationship expert Wendy Newman, author of 121 First Dates.

Be spontaneous

Women like surprises, especially the sexy kind. “Surprising your girlfriend or wife with something that shows you care about her while also showing how sexy you think she is can win you major points," says Amy Grey, a lingerie specialist. Some ideas beyond lingerie: knee high socks, a silk robe, or a racy nightgown. When a woman knows you bought something for her while thinking of how hot she'd look in it, it also may inspire her to be a little more adventurous next time she finds herself shopping for naughty underthings. Or, try gifting her a sensual shared activity like a couples massage or passes to hot yoga to check out together.

Pay attention outside of sex, too

A woman wants to know a guy is going out of his way for her. “It could be a little trinket he picked up because she was on his mind, or a bouquet of flowers he took the time to get. When a guy proves he cares, a woman’s body will be putty in his hands,” says Dr. Gilda. Showing that you're a caring listener is also key. “A woman wants to know a man is truly listening to what she’s saying. Listening proves a woman is important enough to a guy for him to want to know what’s on her mind.”