8 Things You Do That Kill the Mood

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1. Not doing your share: If you leave your partner all of the dish washing, laundry, and vacuuming, that can take a physical and emotional toll. “Coming home after a long day of work and then finding there’s still all of those things to do can definitely be a libido killer,” says Melissa Jones, executive director of the Sexology Institute and Boutique.

2. Body critiques: As far as ways in which men can hurt women’s sex drives, Jones says this is number one. Even saying something little, like how she spends so much time in sweat pants, could strike a nerve and leave her too self-conscious or angry to want sex.

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3. Snoring: Being well-rested is key to keeping up libido. Women whose partners snore or keep them up by rolling around all night may lack the energy to want sex. This is a two-way street of course, women can hurt men’s sleep too. Either way, anyone who wants a friskier partner should work on their disruptive sleep practices.

4. Ignoring stress: If a man suspects his partner is stressed, he can try to be proactive about it. Along with pitching in on chores and errands, Jones says to consider offering a massage. Massages can cause the release of oxytocin (a hormone of bonding) in both the giver and the receiver. It may also be a good time to ask if anything is weighing on her.

5. Giving off the wrong scent: Some women like a man who smells of sweat but this is usually more I-just-worked-out scent, not I’ve-been-stewing-in-these-pajamas-all-weekend musk. When in doubt, shower. This tip goes double for any man who is hoping his partner is going to have her face anywhere near his nethers.

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6. Getting distracted during the act: To start talking about bills that need to be paid or the to-do list in the middle of sex is a libido killer,” says Jones. To avoid this, put a little more thought into when you have sex. Are you expecting a potentially life-changing phone call in five minutes? Maybe it’s worth waiting until after.

7. Being selfish: Most women experience sex in a very different way than men. It takes them longer to get aroused, and if they’re not, it can be uncomfortable and unsatisfying. Those are two types of sex that are unlikely to bring ladies back for more. The solution to this is more foreplay — whether it’s a massage, a make-out session, or something more involved.

8. Hiding dysfunction: Erectile dysfunction is a reality for many men. “A lot more men suffer from erectile dysfunction than we talk about,” says Jones. Most men will encounter this at some point and although it is a very personal issue, not sharing it with your partner can hurt her sexual functioning also. If she doesn’t know you’re just too stressed or had a bit too much to drink on Boys’ Night Out, she might think there’s something about her that’s not turning you on enough. 

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