You might recall the Boyz II Men lyric, “I’ll make love to you, like you want me to.” But when’s the last time you checked just how, exactly, she wants you to? Because—surprise—the positions that get you going may not be the ones that make her moan. The best sex positions for women, according to experts, don’t require acrobatics, and the reason is simple.
“Typically there is a discrepancy because of anatomy,” says Dr. Viviana Coles, licensed therapist and intimacy expert, and author of The 4 Intimacy Styles: The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy. For most women to orgasm, there’s one body part she wants stimulated most.
“Part of female pleasure really depends on consistent clitoral stimulation, so men should be thinking about that no matter what position they’re in,” explains Dr. Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of She Comes First. “We often hear about the pleasure gap—you know, men having orgasms and women not—and that is fundamentally due to a lack of clitoral stimulation. So taking a ‘cliterate’ approach to intercourse is important for both partners.”
Taking a whole-body approach helps, too, says Coles, because women also appreciate some positions for the connection they feel to you or the confidence they find in themselves. So mix it up. “Studies have shown that the more variety of activities you do within any given sexual experience, the pleasure goes through the roof for everyone involved,” says Coles. She recommends three to five sexual activities—“and I would say at least two different positions if all you’re exploring is penetrative sex.”
Here are the best sex positions for women, according to experts and why.
10 Best Sex Positions for Women, According to Experts
There are reasons “missionary is the most popular position in the world,” explains Kerner. For one, it’s easy for her to focus on her pleasure since she’s lying down on her back. Beyond that, “positions have psychological connotations to them,” explains Kerner, and there is a relationality about the face-to-face, eye-to-eye contact this position offers. “There’s something sheltering about missionary position, which may provide a feeling of safety and attachment.” Plus, missionary offers her sexual stimulation that goes even deeper than direct clitoral stimulation—literally.
The clitoris, located just above her vaginal opening, also has what’s called crura, “sort of internal legs that are elastic and kind of wrapped around the vaginal entrance, especially the first two to three inches,” explains Kerner. “In fact, the G-spot is really just the back and roots of the clitoris.” So penetrative thrusting in this position he says, “will stimulate the internal structures.”
2. Rear Entry (aka Doggy Style)
“A lot of women say rear entry is extremely pleasurable,” says Coles. It also might not seem obvious, but she largely controls “depth and tightness based on her legs being closer together or farther apart.”
The stimulation a woman gets in this position depends on a number of factors. It may feel best to her, for example, just prior to ovulation, when she’s likely to be more lubricated due to her higher levels of estrogen; and when her cervix may pull up higher inside, making it less likely to be uncomfortably bumped during penetration.
Another factor? “Some women will enjoy rear entry more because of the angling she chooses to for her body,” explains Coles. If she leans over onto her elbows, penetration will come in at much more of an angle that “may get her G-spot and the more internal legs of their clitoris stimulated.”
3. Hips-up Missionary (aka Coital Alignment Technique)
“A lot of my female clients really love the coital alignment technique, or CAT—the main function being to create a bit of elevation right under the hips and butt,” explains Dr. Shannon Chavez, licensed psychologist and sex therapist in Beverly Hills.
By placing a pillow or a wedge under her glutes, her pelvis will be tilted up, so the base of your penis and mons pubis, the fatty tissue over the pubic bone, “will rub the clitoris, external vulva, and all of the tissue in the surrounding area, which will help increase orgasm potential. That mons pubis—on both men’s and female bodies—has a lot of nerve endings there, and grinding and rubbing in that position stimulates them all.”
And while this does offer deeper penetration, says Chavez, the CAT technique is really about creating more friction. “So don’t focus as much on thrusting and penetration, as much as on grinding, rubbing, and using your hips.”
4. Woman on Top (aka “Cowgirl”)
Being on top is one of the most liberating and empowering sex positions for women. It gives her full control of how slowly and how far she lowers herself onto you, the rhythm she sets, where she rests her legs and hands and the angle she chooses for her torso.
“The more she’s inclined on you, the more she’s able to get broader stimulation,” explains Coles. So take advantage of that. If she’s rubbing her entire body up against you, “that allows for easier kissing, neck kissing, hearing each other’s breath, moaning.” You can also make this position even more pleasurable for her by stimulating her breasts and nipples.
5. Spooning (Side by Side Rear Entry)
Spooning in bed is already good on its own—but for women, sex in this position ups the ante. Ultimately, it’s about how much body body connection the two of you can make, from head to toe. “A lot of women tell me even without any intercourse, the spooning and rhythm of a guy grinding against her butt and body is nice,” says Coles.
Being on her side also allows for more pleasurable penetration. “Any time the legs are closer together, you’re basically going to be squeezing more, creating a tightness of the vaginal penetration from the legs being closer together,” she adds. It hits the G-spot easier, too.
“Plus it adds a little mystery because you can’t see your partner.” But since you can touch your partner, says Kerner, “hold your arm around her and pleasure her with your hand that way.”
6. Oral Sex (Flat on Back)
You can orally pleasure a woman from many positions, but this standby is favored for a reason: Lying on her back, legs open, “allows her body to butterfly open in a very relaxed way,” Chavez explains, “and it gives her more ability to move her hips and glutes, thrusting or moving up as a partner is stimulating with the mouth.”
As for what you can do to further enhance the position for her? “Be creative,” she says. Use your hands to lightly massage the tissue before using your tongue or mouth. And with your tongue, “it’s not just about sucking or using your tongue really fast. It’s about sensually creating a massage with your mouth in different ways to massage or caress.” The tell-tale sign you’ll know it’s working: “The clitoris should get erect like a penis,” she explains. “So if it’s not getting engorged and aroused, you may not be stimulating it the right way.”
7. Chair Sex (Woman on top)
Got a chair? She may want to use it. The best chair is one with no arms, like a dining chair, where you can sit down and allow your partner to straddle your lap, facing you. She then positions her feet on the floor and lowers herself onto you, using the back of the chair for leverage.
“Women are often very empowered by chair sex,” says Coles, who explains that since the person on the bottom of the chair—i.e. you—will find it very difficult to raise up at all, the position is very much controlled by her on top. She gets to control the thrusting and back off when she wants to.
“She can also play with edging—where she takes you to the edge, then denies you…takes you to the edge, then denies you,” adds Coles. Since you’re face to face, it’s easier to see where you’re at because of the cues your body gives.
8: Sofa Style
There are more things to do on the couch between House of Dragon episodes than check your phone. She can either straddle you and place her hands on the top part of the sofa for support, or kneel parallel to the back of the couch with knees on the seat and use one arm or hand against the back of the sofa for support. If you choose rear entry, “it’s less about genital contact and more about the contact between chest and back,” says Chavez. “It’s about the intimacy a woman feels. It’s a bit closer and more sensual.”
Ultimately, couch sex allows for greater mobility. “She can use one hand to hold herself up on the sofa, and the other on her clitoris, and you can use one of your hands to stimulate her breasts or clitoris as well.”
9. Reverse Cowgirl
Turning her face and body away from yours in a “reverse cowgirl” position on top is favored by “women who want to explore a vibrator externally while their partner is penetrating them,” says Coles.
She notes that this position is a bit athletic on her legs, and depending on how big your size is, it can be a be a little bit too deep and hit her cervix too much. But it gives her freedom to go all-out for her pleasure. “She can be completely free to use her hands, and experience the height of her orgasm without feeling like there’s an audience.”
While she’s in this position, enjoy the view, and use your hands to touch what you can, says Coles: Run your hands along her back, touch her hair, and even tug it a little bit.
10. Standing Against a Wall (Face to Face)
“We see this a lot in movies, so there’s a big fantasy element to this position,” explains Chavez. There’s an urgency to it. It tells her you need her right here, right now, without so much as saying a word.
But of course it can be very different in reality, she says, due to the difference in heights or the clumsiness of it, not to mention the strength you may need to partially hold her up for penetration. But if you’re game, it’s worth it for her. “Face to face has the potential for really good clitoral stimulation,” says Kerner, “because the clitoris is going right into the base of the shaft, so that’s going to provide a lot of clitoral stimulation.”
And if you’re standing up, you can more easily take a break to seduce her whole body. “Trace their whole body down, and really spend time pleasuring every possible part,” says Chavez, from her face and neck, to her abdomen and thighs. “This position is not just about penetration or thrusting. It’s about being able to indulge in your partner and all parts of their body.”
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