CrossFit Confessions: “I Dated a CrossFit Guy. Huge Mistake.”

Crossfit confessions kelly alto main

Hedge fund guys do CrossFit. So do cops. And construction workers, engineers, and professors. (Even rock stars, too!) Here are their stories.

Kelly Alto, 23, is a Los Angeles, CA-based blogger.

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I briefly dated a guy who did CrossFit. It only lasted two or three weeks. I just wanted to talk about anything besides CrossFit. He was so caveman-like, had a completely Paleo diet, and his farts just smelled so bad. I was like, “Why are you farting in front of me?” Every T-shirt he had was a CrossFit T-shirt. He needed everyone to know he did CrossFit. If I’m having sex with someone, I want him to be looking at me, not at himself. It was seriously like dating a caveman with anger issues. He was constantly trying to get people into his cult of CrossFit. He wanted me to do it. He’d say things like, “It’s so hot when girls are big and buff!” And I was like, “No, it’s not.”

L.A. is the CrossFit mecca. Just walking down the street I come across groups of people doing ridiculous things. They’re flipping over tires and grunting with veins popping out of their necks, it’s totally way too intense. It’s just socially unacceptable behavior. The kinds of guys who do CrossFit are just the biggest douchebags—they’re obsessed with themselves. They’re like, “Oh, she’s 130 pounds and I can lift her with my pinkie.” They’re always talking about how many times a week they do it. It’s almost like heroin—once they do it they can’t stop.

I wouldn’t trust anyone who does CrossFit—it seems like they enjoy pain. I think a lot of guys are working out to get girls, but I would never again date a guy who did CrossFit. What if I offended his Paleo diet and he decided to throw me through a wall? —As told to David Wescott

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