The One Rule of the Pre-party Pump

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Do you have big plans (and maybe an even bigger ego) tonight? Are the sleeves on your pressed-party shirt flapping a little too freely this afternoon? Afraid your deflated pecs will also deflate your glorious nighttime ambitions? 

We present the Men’s Fitness Pre-Party Pump, a workout specifically engineered to maximize blood-flow to your muscles in those desperate minutes before your buddies pick you up. Because remember, for the man staring back at you in the foggy bathroom mirror, it’s not about how much you can lift. It’s about how much you look like you can lift.

Disclaimer: We would like to make clear that while Men’s Fitness endorses workouts as do we endorse the weekend night out, we do not endorse this combination as an effective method for long-lasting health and satisfaction. But we know you do it. So you might as well do it right.

It’s at this point in the piece, with the lede concocted and grand plans for a detailed list of tips envisioned, that we approached Men’s Fitness Training Director Sean Hyson C.S.C.S. for an actual workout and extensive set of rules to get huge fast. He laughed at the request – as one should. And this is all he said.

“It’s really simple actually. Hit the deck”

Do 100 pushups as fast as you can in as few sets as you can.

“That will get you pretty swoll,” Hyson says. He says a good pump comes from blood rushing to your muscles faster than it can escape. A round of pushups creates tension, which should balloon your upper half.

We asked Sean if he’s ever actually done this. “Oh yeah, I’ve done this all the time. I don’t recommend anything I don’t try.”

This of course breaks the first rule of the Men’s Fitness Pre-Party Pump. Do not talk about the Men’s Fitness Pre-Party Pump.

It’s currently patent pending.

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