December Men’s Fitness cover guy Norman Reedus knows a lot about zombies—he’s met his share on The Walking Dead. And though his character, Daryl Dixon, strongly favors a crossbow as the ultimate zombie killing weapon, for others, it’s not necessarily the most practical way to do the job. To get the juices flowing (and I mean your brain juices [and I mean the brain juices remaining in your head]), here are a few alternate ways to slay the undead during the apocalypse. It could happen any day now.
1. A Piano
Attention-grabbing as a surprise sawed-off to the skull is, Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker one-upped Woody Harrelson’s character, Tallahassee, in 2009’s Zombieland with disturbing forethought and shocking brute force. There’s little call for a piano in the zombie apocalypse; so if you’ve got one sitting around, the best use for it might be to drop in on an ususpecting Walker (or, as the case may be, Runner).
2. Old Records
If you’re strapped for bullets, crossbow bolts, or shotgun shells, simple household objects can serve the purpose of “removing the head or destroying the brain.” The boys of 2004’s classic Shaun of the Dead showed that something as simple as old records—limited edition or not—could do some serious damage to zombie brains (effectiveness not guaranteed).
3. An Airplane
Even zombies aren’t immune to gravity (right?), so there’s no reason why a mile-high fall shouldn’t get them out of your impeccably conditioned hair, as Brad Pitt’s character Gerry Lane figured in 2013’s World War Z. We strongly encourage holding on to something, though.
4. Lawn Equipment
Infamous in its liberal use of fake blood, 1992’s Dead Alive reminds us that sometimes the best solutions are the simplest—and can be found in your garage. Demonstrated here (NSFW) is some anti-zombie lawnmower action, but a Weedwacker or even a pair of clippers could work just as well.
5. A Tall Building
As we’ve already mentioned, zombies aren’t immune to falls and have no conception that if they chase you off a building, it might not end up so great too them. Witness this scene from Resident Evil. Guns aplenty are a-blazin’, but there’s nothing deadlier than a disastrous fall.
6. Health Care
There are few things the undead hate more than health care—after all, they’re not exactly alive to enjoy it. In George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead, a zombie nurse is laid to rest with a lifesaving defibrillator. Medical technology, saving lives every day.
Amid today’s anti-zombie furor, it’s easy to forget that zombies can actually be useful, if mindless, monsters. Take the last scenes of 2002’s 28 Days Later. If you’re imprisoned in a military compound, surrounded by starving soldiers bent on repopulating the earth with your girlfriend, clever use of a zombie could help you and your loved one escape. NSFW, by the way.
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