Sex is how we ended up with kids, yet their arrival so often rings the death knoll of sex lives. But it doesn’t have to. That's the takeaway from a handful of sex experts we spoke to on the subject. Sure, having kids means you have to be more creative with plotting and scheduling your alone time, but your sex life doesn't have to suffer. Here are some of the best advice offered up by the experts.
Put It on the Calendar
It sounds clinical, but it is a necessity, and gives you something special to look forward to. “Night is usually the best time with schedules. Set a strict bedtime for the kids, get them in bed, lock your door, and go to town,” says Orange County–based psychiatrist Mike Frazier.
And learn to be creative with the scheduling, says lifestyles expert Bryce Gruber, a mom of three small children. “Absolutely no TV until after sex. I have three kids, and it's easy to fall into a 'Let's watch TV after the kids go to sleep' rut. If you don't make sex a priority first, you'll never do it.”
Take Advantage of Nap Time and Playdates
“Instead of using those glorious couple of hours each day to catch up on household chores, make it a time to catch up with your partner,” says Tristan Weedmark, We-Vibe’s Global Passion Ambassador.
Make the Bedroom a No-Kid Zone
It’s easy to let the kids sleep in bed with you every night, but this routine pretty much guarantees you won’t be having sex, says Weedmark. Make it clear that they need to sleep in their own beds and get a lock on your bedroom door.
Embrace the quickie
Sure, it’s great to light candles, put on music, and have a romantic evening together, but that’s not always a reality in the world of parenthood. “Quickies are just as fun, so whenever you’ve got a few free minutes, use them to get busy with your partner,” says Weedmark.
You want to avoid walk-ins if you can ( that means lock those doors!). “But if it does happen, you can give an age-appropriate answer for what you're doing. This could range from, 'Mom and dad are kissing,' for younger kids to, 'Mom and dad are having sex,' for older kids,” says Frazier. “You don't want sex to be a mystery to your kids. You want them to know it's an important, special part of adult relationships and especially marriage,” says Frazier.