This Texas City Will Hold .5K Race for People Who Hate Running, Love Underachieving

Runners on bridge
Runners on bridge Sam Edwards / Getty Images

Have a not-so-secret hatred for people who rise before dawn to pound the pavement? Do you feel a twinge of irritation when you see a run club exalting in their runners’ high like a herd of buoyant, loopy antelopes gallivanting about in freakish synchrony? There’s a place and a race calling your name: Boerne, Texas is hosting a .5K.

Yes, that decimal point is exactly where it should be. This wondrous city is appealing to those who hate running and thrive at underachieving by hosting a race that’s more of a sprint, coining it: “The running event for the rest of us.” If you’re trying to do the conversion, a .5K is .3 miles, or 547 yards.

And it’s actually for an admirable cause—not just a lampoon. Proceeds—tickets are $25—go toward a local charity called Blessings in a Backpack, which provides food to elementary school children across America.

Unfortunately Texans got so amped up about the non-race race, they’re already at capacity. (We know, sad trombone.) You’re missing out on a free pint of beer, medal, t-shirt, and race sticker to tack on to your rear windshield. You’ll also miss out on the coffee and donut pit-stop.

But not all’s lost. You can still buy the Procrastinators Prize Pack: the t-shirt, medal, and stick for $25. You can also volunteer or simply make a donation.

And if you get inspired to up the intensity post-.5K, you can check out 13 awesome races to run that aren’t marathons.