We here at Men’s Fitness, we try to stick to our main specialties—ab workouts, flab-busting exercises, the Baywatch movie. But occasionally, we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory. Art, for instance.
Take this Valentine’s 2016 selfie from Vin Diesel. First glance: Just Vin being Vin, posing shirtless for his fans on a commercialist American holiday. Nothing else to see here, folks.
But look a little deeper, and you’ll see this is a selfie that Michelangelo (the Renaissance artist, not the Ninja Turtle) would be proud of.
Consider the possible titles: Still Life With a Mostly Jacked Guy and Roses, or Still Life: Lonely Man and Flowers, or, if we wanna get a little wistful and/or philosophical about it, just Valentine for the Unnamed. (Because he doesn’t exactly say who he’s wishing a “happy V day,” you know?)
And befitting its status as modern art, this selfie invites more intrigue than you’d think at first glance. We considered headlining this piece “Does This Selfie Prove Vin Diesel Is a Renaissance Art Connoisseur?” because as you’ll see, the answer is an emphatic YES. The caption alone is so open-ended that you could even make an argument that Vin is actually leading a shirtless, one-man celebration of Veteran’s Day, albeit two months late and with two dozen long-stem roses instead of little American flags.
But the questions don’t stop there. Consider:
- Whose bathroom is this? Is it his bathroom? Or is it the bathroom of a fancy hotel, owing to the marble walls and the glass shower door?
- What is Vin doing with his right hand? Is he just holding up the back of the towel? And if that’s the case, how does he not know the old towel-knot trick? Don’t they, like, teach that at the local YMCA?
- Who are the roses for? As much as we’d like to think this mystery woman is Paloma Jiménez, his longtime partner and the mother of his three children, he doesn’t specify. What if he actually intended to text this photo to someone, and ended up Instagramming it instead? (Vin! You’ve made us all unwitting voyeurs into your Valentine’s and/or Veteran’s Day celebrations!)
- What did he do after taking this photo? Hit the shower? Crush a workout? Crush a workout and then crush unfounded dad bod rumors?
- How many times did he try to take this photo?
- What music is playing in the background? We’re thinking it’s Italian opera, and that occasionally Vin absentmindedly growls out a few lines from an aria. Or maybe it’s just Rihanna.
And most importantly: What’s he wearing on his feet? We hope it’s slippers. Race car slippers.
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