You probably didn’t think that the décor of your Christmas tree could be a deal-breaker. It probably won’t be, but then again, cries for help come in plenty of shapes and sizes.
The Late Bloomer
If Your Tree Is: Still not up on Christmas Eve when your girlfriend comes over…
You’re: So screwed.
The Hopeless Romantic
If Your Tree Is: Still up on Valentine’s Day…
You’re: Not getting any.
The Authentic Artisan
If Your Tree Is: Proudly Charlie Brown-esque…
You’re: Not as hipster as you think.
The Loner Type
If Your Tree Is: Artificial, so it won’t shed needles or need water…
You’re: Better off not having kids.
The East Rutherfordian
If Your Tree Is: Adorned with more than one Giants ornament…
You’re: Never going to get married. (But hey, there are female Giants fans around!)
If Your Tree Is: A palm
You’re: Bound to end up on @_FloridaMan.