The Rio 2016 Olympic Games have been teetering on the edge of becoming an Olympic-sized disaster since 2009. Immediately following Rio’s bid, initial concerns included security in the Brazilian city and worries that the country would be overextended because it is hosting the 2014 World Cup.
Well, those primary worries were kind of spot on, because since 2009, everything that could go wrong surrounding Rio and the Olympics has. Here’s a list of everything that could go downhill, from the real concerns to the ridiculous.
- Zika. Everyone gets Zika.
- No one buys the remaining 1.8 million open seats.
- The U.S. Rowing Team, open-water marathon swimmers, sailors, and triathletes contract viruses and diseases from the open sewage flowing through Rio’s water.
- Thieves raid the Olympic Village, since robberies in Rio are up 24 percent.
- All races in the Velodrome are postponed to 2017, since construction is one year behind schedule.
- Sailors hit a submerged sofa or carcass in Guanabara Bay and capsize.
- “Welcome to Hell” is officially adopted as the motto for the 2016 Games.
- Usain Bolt loses the gold medal in his last Olympic race (and loses to Mickey Rourke again).
- Kerri Walsh Jennings accidentally picks up a human extremity instead of a volleyball on Copacabana Beach during a match.
- The entire Russian team doesn’t get banned for drug and PED use and sets multiple world records.
- A golfer we’ve never heard of wins gold because he’s the only one willing to play amid the course's mosquito-infested ponds.
- The sperm that British long jumper Greg Rutherford froze before heading to Rio in fear of contracting Zika is stored at the wrong temperature.
- No one shows up.
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