Office Hottie: Breakup


It’s no secret that a good girl is just about the hardest thing to find on the planet. That’s why, every month, I’m here to help you find one, satisfy one, even maybe steal one that may be right under your nose—in your office. But there’s a pressing topic we haven’t discussed yet: how to get rid of one, which can be particularly tricky when she’s a co-worker.

Laugh, but intercubicle drama is so high these days, I’m feeling more like a therapist than a hottie. I’ve heard it all: “She loves me too much.” “She doesn’t love me enough.” “She’s only in love with love.” “She doesn’t love, ahem, ‘loving.'” And frankly, my dears, I’m starting to think it’s you, not her.

Before you even think about getting it on with a co-worker, I know you’ll think about what she’s like out of her clothes. But you’re not going to think about what she may be like out of the office. So assuming you’ll go for the gusto anyway— and later find yourself saying “Hell, no!” or “Who is this woman?!”—here’s the breakup strategy: contain, contain, contain. There’s no underestimating the damage that could ensue when your office tryst goes awry: Being babe-less is bad enough; being jobless really sucks.

So before you give your not-so-sweetheart her walking papers and create an interoffice firestorm, set the stage a little bit. Cool your heels, and maybe she’ll see it coming. Or just deploy that age-old boy strategy of being such a lame boyfriend that she’ll break up with you first. If she thinks she let you go, she’s a lot less likely to make a scene at the office.

In fact, once you and the OH call it quits, don’t assume it’s all right never to speak to her again. After all, you’re still co-workers; and trust me, people are going to notice if you’re going out of your way to avoid someone who, just weeks ago, you were sneaking off to snuggle in the coffee room. That will only lead to office gossip. Spare yourself and be nice to your office ex, no matter how much it hurts. It’ll save your dignity—and your rep.

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