Dos and Don'ts of Augusta

If you’re in Augusta for the Masters (April 9-12), or if you’re heading to Augusta National, there are some rules of engagement for the legendary course that you should know. I haven’t been there in a few years, so I asked a few of my friends — guys who’ve been of late — to offer their suggestions for this primer. Here’s what you need to know:

No cell phones, beepers and other electronics are allowed on the grounds (do not try to sneak one in; there are metal detectors that rival the toughest airport); also, no bags, backpacks or folding chairs (they sell them); and no alcohol or coolers, either.
No need to eat before you go; food is really cheap (most value in sports). The chicken sandwich tastes best (better than KFC or Popeye’s outside — and cheaper). Egg salad is not bad either. But they stop serving beer at 4 p.m.
Select the hole you want to watch (Amen Corner and No. 16 are good spots) and stake out your spot with a chair in the morning. When the golfers come by in the afternoon, your seat will be there un-moved. The hillside under the 6th tee is a good viewing spot to see at least two holes. Also, a good viewing spot is between holes 1 and 2. And near the green on three, you can see from the tee to the green on No. 4 and also one other hole.
No refunds for rainouts, so be prepared to stick it out until they tell you to go home.
No autographs are allowed on the golf course, only in the parking lot.
Do not try to scam your way in by saying you’re the Godfather of Soul. The local (former) resident is dead.
If you snap a picture (cameras are allowed!) in the midst of someone’s backswing, be prepared to join the Godfather of Soul.
Listen intently as your host recounts one Augusta story after another, no matter how many times you’ve heard it (unless you don’t want to get invited back).
Get there early enough to watch the top golfers warm up on the driving range — it may be your best vantage of the day.
On your first day there, go to the store to buy all the stuff you want then go to the UPS trailer and send it home. Then go watch golf.
Go see the trophies across from the main store near the entrance.
Head to 18 long before the leaders hit 15.
Did I tell you they stop selling beer at 4 p.m.?
You can buy cigars across the street from the main gates at good prices.
If you haven’t arranged for golf play by now, you won’t be playing golf.